Weight of Unspoken Words
It’s a feeling that gnaws at your insides, even when you smile on the outside. The weight of unspoken words, that heavy, invisible load you carry around with you every day, just waiting to break through. There are days when it feels like the weight of the world is sitting squarely on your shoulders, and no matter how much you try to push it away, it lingers.
I wake up most mornings, still tired, still feeling the pressure of yesterday’s worries on my chest. My house is alive with the sounds of children waking up, the familiar rhythm of breakfast being prepared, and the hustle to get everyone ready for the day. But underneath it all, there’s that feeling. That weight. It’s always there, pulling me down even as I try to rise.
As a Nigerian mother, wife, and friend, there’s this unspoken rule that you must be strong. The world expects you to juggle everything—family, career, relationships—and still wear a smile. We are taught from an early age that resilience is key, that we must endure, even when the weight of life is pushing us to the edge. But what happens when you can no longer bear that weight in silence?
For years, I’ve carried the weight of unspoken words—the things I’ve left unsaid to my husband, my children, even to myself. It’s that silence, the moments when we choose not to speak, that often causes the most harm. You’re afraid of rocking the boat, of starting a fight, of looking weak. So you keep quiet. You smile, nod, and carry on, hoping that the weight will eventually lift.
But it doesn’t.
The Weight of Expectations
There’s a specific kind of weight that comes with expectations, and it’s one that Nigerian women know all too well. Growing up, I was taught that the woman is the pillar of the family. You don’t complain. You don’t rest. You keep the house in order, make sure the children are fed, make sure your husband is happy, all while being everything to everyone. Somewhere along the line, I forgot to be everything to myself.
My husband, Chijioke, is a good man. He’s hard-working, kind-hearted, and loves our children with all his heart. But there’s a weight in our marriage that I’ve never been able to speak about. The expectations. He works long hours, and I understand the pressure he’s under. But sometimes, I feel like I’m shouldering too much alone. And the more I keep it inside, the heavier that weight becomes.
I’m the one who gets the kids ready for school. I’m the one who ensures they do their homework. I’m the one who listens to their stories, wipes away their tears, and holds everything together when it feels like everything is falling apart. Meanwhile, Chijioke’s busy with work, and when he comes home, he’s exhausted. So, we fall into this routine. I don’t complain because I know how hard he works. But inside, I’m breaking.
That’s the thing about this weight of unspoken words: It doesn’t just sit there. It begins to sink into your bones, into your soul. And before you know it, it’s all you can feel. The little things that go unsaid—the way I wish he would acknowledge my efforts, the way I long for him to ask, “How was your day?” instead of just diving into his own world—these things become the heaviest weight.
Silent Battles
There’s another kind of weight—the one we carry in silence because we feel like no one understands. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone really sees me. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend—but am I still me? The woman who once had dreams, passions, and goals of her own? The woman who used to put on her best dress, step out, and feel confident in the world? Click here to have a glimpse into the daily life of an overwhelmed wife/mom.
Now, it feels like I’ve become a machine, operating on autopilot. I do everything that needs to be done, but in the process, I’ve forgotten who I am. And this weight of self-doubt, of losing myself in the service of others, has been hard to carry. When you don’t speak up for your own needs, when you neglect your own voice for the sake of others, it slowly erodes your sense of self.
There are moments when I feel overwhelmed by it all—the never-ending chores, the demands from everyone around me, and the crushing feeling that I’m failing. But it’s not just about the physical weight. It’s the mental and emotional toll of constantly giving and never receiving. Of being strong for everyone but too tired to be strong for myself.
Silence in Relationships
One night, as I lay in bed, I couldn’t shake the weight of the silence between Chijioke and me. It had been building up for months. I hadn’t said anything, and neither had he. We were both walking around each other like strangers, speaking only in passing, touching only out of necessity. The heaviness of all the things we never said hung in the air, suffocating any chance of real connection.
I had asked myself countless times why I stayed silent. Was I afraid? Afraid of upsetting the peace? Afraid of being vulnerable and admitting that I was struggling? Afraid that if I said the wrong thing, the love we had would shatter?
But as I lay there, staring at the ceiling, I realized something—I had been carrying this weight of silence for too long. And in doing so, I had allowed it to create distance between us. The weight of unspoken words doesn’t just affect you; it affects everyone around you. The longer you stay silent, the more the gap between you and the people you love widens.
Buried Emotions
The other night, I finally broke down in front of Chijioke. It wasn’t dramatic; there were no shouting matches or tears of anger. It was just me sitting quietly on the couch, tears silently falling as I said the words I had been holding in for years.
“I feel invisible,” I whispered. “I feel like I’m giving everything, but no one sees me. I’m not just your wife, Chijioke. I’m still me. I need you to see me.”
His response was soft, apologetic. He had no idea. He didn’t know that I had been carrying this weight of unspoken words for so long, the pressure of feeling unseen and unheard in my own home. He didn’t know because I never told him.
As we talked that night, I realized that this weight—this silent burden—wasn’t just mine to carry. It was a something that both of us had shared. But by speaking about it, by voicing the feelings I had been keeping to myself, the stress began to lift.
Fear and Vulnerability
It’s funny, isn’t it? The way we build walls around our hearts, convincing ourselves that we are protecting ourselves, when in fact, we are just piling on more burden. The fear of being vulnerable, the fear of being judged or misunderstood, often holds us back from speaking our truth.
But what I’ve learned is this: The weight of carrying everything in silence is far heavier than the thought of being vulnerable. Being vulnerable, admitting that you’re struggling, and speaking your truth, while scary, allows you to let go of stress. It allows you to heal, to rebuild, and to grow.
Letting Go
Last week, I took a moment to reflect on everything. I thought about the load I had been carrying for years, the mass of unspoken words that had built up like a mountain. And I decided, finally, to let go.
I stopped trying to carry everything on my own. I started to speak up. I asked Chijioke for help. I told him how I felt. I stopped pretending like I had it all together when I didn’t. I took time for myself, even if it was just a few quiet moments in the morning before everyone else woke up. I let go of the weight of perfection.
And you know what? It’s not perfect. Some days are still hard. Some days, the stress creeps back in. But now, I know what to do when it comes. I speak up. I share my thoughts. I let go of the pressure before it crushes me.
Breaking the Silence
The weight of unspoken words doesn’t just disappear on its own. It takes courage to speak up, to share your truth, and to let go of the pressure that has been holding you back. Once you do, you realize how much lighter life becomes.
To all the mothers, wives, and women out there who are carrying this load in silence—know that you are not alone. Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. And it’s okay to speak up, to ask for help, and to let go of the heaviness that is holding you down.
Because the burden of silence is too much to bear alone. But when you speak, when you share your truth, you set yourself free. Click here to read more on the importance of breaking the silence with your partner.
This Post Has One Comment